January 2010
21 posts
"Whenever, for always."
Dear _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, I still remember last spring break. My mother kicked me out of the house so I waited inside of the garage until you could come and pick me up. You weren’t able to make it out to my house until two in the morning, but you still came. I remember that we had to go to your momma’s house to switch cars, you made sure I remembered your cd case. On...
For the first time in a long time.
I never forgot, I don’t think I ever will. I miss our late night phone conversations consisting of constant laughing, arguing and you singing me to sleep. I miss the way you would hold my hand as you took me driving around your side of the island. I miss watching band documentaries with you and sitting around in your room talking about music, nothing and everything. I miss kissing you and...
First semester.
I basically fucked myself over this semester. I’m not even pretending like it wasn’t my fault, because it was. I don’t care how many people say other things contributed, so what if they did, so what if I’m stressed or exhausted, if home is broken, if I’m chronically depressed? At this point I really don’t fucking care. I’m tired of stupid shit standing in...
123456, more to come when I can focus.
1. Sleeping until 5pm was incredible. I’m still unbelievably bruised, sore and exhausted but I think I would have been worse off if I had not slept.
2. I’m disappointed and I can’t hide it. But at the same time, I don’t care because regardless it was a night that I will never forget. Nothing went perfectly but everything was beautiful - even if it was in a really fucked up...
P.
I absolutely loath that of all of the boys in my life you are the one that I exert the most energy on. I’m sixteen and have a fair amont of boys that I could spend my time on. I could spend time crying over so many of them; my father for lying, the majority of my ex boyfriends for manipulating me, all of the almost lovers who used me instead and the boy that I am in love with who will never...
12345678, again.
1. Everytime I see you I think about the time you said that you knew how I was feeling just by looking into my eyes. Now I try to avoid making eye contact with you. I don’t want you to see how broken I am.
2. Everyone probably thinks I’m silly. Silly because I constantly worry about you, about us. Silly because they know I’d do anything to keep us side by side. But it’s...
Crybaby.
Always have been, always will be.
I wish someone where here with me right now. I hate this so much.
12345678.
1. It’s extrodinary. Just a few months ago I hated being at school because I felt completely outcasted. Now I prefer being at school because I have such a great handful of you that brighten up my day tremendously, even if it is just because we wave at each other whenever we see each other. KL, KK, JK, KB, MF, AH, CI, LD, MS, AZ, AC, KO and so many others, this is for you. <3
2. I’m...
I love you, always.
We shared a cigarette on the drive home. It was one of those moments that I wish could have lasted forever. I felt safe, secure and untouchable leaving me completely vulnerable but comfortable. And I could never mind your friends, your friends that make me laugh and smile almost as much as you can.
You got lost trying to find my house. You always get lost, you can never remember though...
2009.
This year I met the person who has changed my life the most at this point, he’s become my best friend, he’s become my reason. I learned to grow up and live above stupid bullshit and drama. I learned how to let go of friendships that weren’t worth it and begin stronger ones that will last a life time. I finally grew the courage to change my lifestyle, to change myself, to face...